


The Talk

by Sherlock1110, sherlockian4evr



Series: Sherlock and Mycroft Fluff [24]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, Big Brother Mycroft, Big Brothers, Embarrassed John, Embarrassed Sherlock, M/M, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, Teenagers, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 09:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6798595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlock1110/pseuds/Sherlock1110, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/sherlockian4evr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How about Mycroft and Sherlock as children? Sherlock's parents give him the sex talk, and Mycroft takes over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk

“Sherlock, get down here. We need to talk,” Mrs. Holmes called.

“Boring, Mummy,” he called back from his brother's bedroom. “Mycroft's chemistry set is loads better.”

“Well he can come down too!” she yelled out.

When the boys got downstairs, there were anatomical books laying on the tables and one rather risqué magazine. Mycroft rolled his eyes and grabbed his brother's arm as the younger boy started to flee back upstairs. “It's best to let them get it over with, 'Lock.”

“Mummy, this sort of thing happens at school,” Sherlock whinged.

“Only if we sign the permission slip,” Mr. Holmes pointed out.

“Which we aren't,” Mrs. Holmes added.

The brothers had no idea why they wouldn't.

Siger spoke up. “We've been putting this off, but there have been clear signs of you becoming aroused of late, you know, penile erection.”

Sherlock tried to hide under the cushions on the sofa. “I'm 13. It's perfectly normal.”

“I should have stayed at Oxford.” Mycroft face planted beside his brother.

“And of course, the nocturnal emissions are impossible to miss,” Violet added in an offhand fashion. “It's the only reason I know of for a teenage boy to suddenly start washing his own sheets nearly every day.”

“If you bought more sheets I wouldn't have to.”

“Mind the attitude, young man,” Mr. Holmes interrupted.

Mrs. Holmes picked up the nearest anatomy book and started pointing out the parts of the penis, as if Sherlock didn't already know them!

The younger boy turned his head away and buried it in his older brother's shoulder. “Mycie, help pleassssseeeee.”

Next came out the banana and the condom. Mrs. Holmes demonstrated the proper was to apply said condom with what both boys could tell was practiced ease.

“Mummy, please! Would it help if I said I was gay?” Sherlock burst out.

She looked up, frowning slightly. “I don't care if you are gay, son, either of you, but even if you are, you need to know how to do this.”

“I'm 13!” her youngest complained.

“And next year you'll be 14, then 15, then, before you know it, you'll be an adult,” Siger pointed out. “Condoms are more than just about birth control. They're about safe sex and avoiding disease.”

“It was bad enough with Mummy, not you, too, Dad, please,” Sherlock begged.

Mycroft couldn't help it. He had burst out laughing, this was unbelievable!

Siger looked over at the magazine and tossed it to the side. “Won't be needing that if you're gay. Should've got one of the other type just in case after Myc.”

“I never said I was gay!” He argued. “I only asked if it would help if I said it was.”

Mycroft's hand landed on his shoulder. “'Lock, don't hide it. They know about the sheets and I know about the secret phone calls to John at night.”

“Why can't I learn this stuff like the other kids do, from dirty books and the other kids?” Sherlock whinged and buried his burning face in his hands. “Parents don't actually do 'the talk' anymore. It's anachronistic.”

“He is right-” his brother began.

“Shut up, Mycroft,” Mrs. Holmes held her hand up to stop him. “You'll sit there and support your brother.”

“You're embarrassing him!”

“Well,” Violent exclaimed, “I don't see why it should be embarrassing. It's a perfectly natural function and, as such, should be discussed openly.”

“How would you know?! You aren't gay. You can't explain to me how… that happens. What you two do is normal!” He couldn't believe he was saying this. “I need this discussion with someone who's gay. Mycroft.”

“Mummy, he has a point. Allow me to take over this discussion, please,” Mycroft requested as politely as he could.

“No! It's our duty as parents to talk to him about this like we did with you,” Violet argued.

“I was 15. And I was – am also gay. This is in no way beneficial for him.” Mycroft crossed his arms.

Violet looked a question at her husband. He shrugged, then said, “Mycroft is a responsible young man. I know he'll have his brother's best interests at heart. It's up to you.”

“Alright. Go.” Violet didn't sound pleased, bit she relented.

As they were heading up the stairs Mycroft grabbed Sherlock's sleeve. “Do you think it would be a good idea if John was here for this?”

“Mycroft!” Sherlock had turned red.

“No, really, 'Lock. I'm assuming you're both still... inexperienced. It's not that I'm rushing you, but I know you two will be together a long time. Eventually you're going to want to take certain steps and it would be better if you weren't ignorant of either the options or the mechanics.”

“Fine!” the younger brother spat. “If John has to be here so does your boyfriend!”

Mycroft chuckled almost nervously. “Gregory isn't… I mean, we aren't… inexperienced.”

Sherlock stuck his fingers in his ears. “I don't want to hear it. In fact, I refuse”

Grabbing his brother's arm, Mycroft pulled his finger free of one ear. “Don't be childish or I'll give you back to our parents and let them complete the lecture.”

The younger boy's eyes widened in horror. “No, Mycie, no. I'm sorry. I'll phone John straight away.”

“Good boy.” Mycroft ruffled Sherlock's curls as he raced up the rest of the stairs.

Thirty minutes later, a very nervous John Watson knocked on the Holmes' front door. He breathed a sigh of relief when it was opened by Sherlock and not his brother or one of his parents. “You're not kidding about this? Tell me you were kidding,” he begged his boyfriend.

“No,” Sherlock sighed. “We are 13, what are they expecting?”

“I'm 14 next month,” John countered.

“I know that. But we are too young for this… it's alright having a relationship and stuff. Mummy said she met Father when she was 12. But anything more is weird.”

Just as they were about to go upstairs the door went again and this time it was Greg.

Greg took one look at the younger boys' faces and laughed, though not unkindly. “Relax, boys. I'll make sure there are no live demonstrations.”

Sherlock groaned and made to pull John up the stairs, he knew what devious schemes Mycroft could come up with if they didn't cooperate. John was trying to sneak out the door. “John, you can't leave me like this!”

“Um… boys, up here,” Mycroft was stood at the top of the stairs.

“Please, Mycie,” Sherlock was stamping his foot, despite knowing what could happen he felt the need to protest.

“You know the alternative, little brother,” Mycroft warned.

John took his boyfriend's hand. “We can survive this together, right?”

Sherlock looked at him and nodded. Together, they made their way up the stairs. Sherlock pulled John down on to Mycroft's bed. “This is going to be terrible.”

“Better than with your mum and dad though, right?” John asked.

Sherlock's mouth fell open, but no words came out. Instead, he nodded mutely.

Greg tousled Sherlock's unruly curls. “I promise I won't let Mycroft make things too tough on you.”

“Hey!” Sherlock buried himself in John's lap and then realised what he was doing was really awkward considering how close they had been sat together… maybe it was a good job they were having this chat… despite their age. He hopped off John's lap and pretended not to notice his boyfriend pulling a throw pillow into his lap. Greg turned away to hide his smile. Mycroft raised a knowing eyebrow.

“You two are adorable,” the elder Holmes quipped.

“Mycroft!” Sherlock growled. “Don't be a jerk.”

John smacked him on the arm.

Sherlock rubbed his arm and pouted. “Fine. Just get on with it Mycroft. I want this over and done with.”

The eldest Holmes brother smiled, not unkindly. “Our parents weren't entirely in the wrong. Let's get the unpleasantness out of the way first. Obviously you don't have to worry about pregnancy, but you do need to be aware of the possibility of disease.”

“Myc, there's a way we can both get out of this,” Sherlock interjected.

Greg was stood in the corner trying not to laugh.

“I doubt it, little brother.”

“You could forge father's signature.”

“Sherlock, please.” Mycroft rolled his eyes, then went on to explain the various ways which disease could be transmitted and the risks as well as the precautions required to avoid them.

John listened with obvious attention, but Mycroft could tell his brother was listening as well.

Greg couldn't. He just couldn't listen to this. He burst out laughing, pointing one hand at Mycroft then ran from the room only to end up flat on his arse as he collided with the Holmes parents, clearly listening at the door.

Sherlock dove under his duvet and hid. He couldn't stand the embarrassment anymore. “Everyone, just go away!”

John's face turned flaming red. He was just as embarrassed, but he refused to act it.

Mycroft, however, looked thoroughly unimpressed. “Mummy!”

She was looking down at the young man on the floor and her gaze moved to meet Mycroft's.

“This was to stop him from being embarrassed about it!” Mycroft complained.

“And that was going swimmingly,” Greg muttered under his breath as he stood.

John heard him. “I thought Mycroft was doing just fine.”

Sherlock reappeared. “He was. Far better than the two of you,” he said glaring at his parents.

“This isn't something to joke over!” Mycroft was actually getting angry. “He needs to know this stuff!”

“No one is disputing that point,” Siger said quietly. “As parents, we needed to be sure what you were telling him was sound.”

Mycroft actually glared at his father.

“Which it was,” Mr. Holmes rushed to clarify.

“Well piss off and leave us to it!”

“Mycroft!” His father barked.

For once the older brother wasn't cowed by his father's tone.

“No. This is serious stuff. If he finds this embarrassing, what's to stop him ignoring everything he's told and getting hurt?”

Violet took her husband by the arm and tugged him from the room. “Siger, he's right. Let's go downstairs and leave the boys to it.” She pulled the door shut behind her as she went.

Mycroft sighed. “I think we should end this talk here for today, boys.”

Both John and Sherlock readily agreed. They had suffered through enough embarrassment to last a lifetime. Of course, it was even worse on the day the talk was eventually finished, but thankfully that was another day.


End file.
